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Depressed

No one reads this anyways so lets get some thoughts and feelings out that are really troubling to me.  We moved to Texas recently I was excited and happy at first but now I"m not I feel apathetic and down right gloomy at times.  I miss my mom, I miss my friends, granted I didn't have many but they were still my friends now more then half the time I call and there's no answer, I leave a message and they don't get back to me.  Am I really the only one who thought we were friends?  Maybe that's it and they really weren't my friends and now that I"m not there they don't care?  I miss being able to take my kids to the fitness center.  I miss seeing people I know, Most of all I miss my family, both sides.  I miss having Tiffany over I even miss her stupid dog Ziva.  I miss Shandy and Trevor, its so lonely down here.  It's a good move for our family, I know this but right now I'm  I  I';m having a hard time expressing how I feel.

I"m LDS I prayed for my husband to come back to the Church, but now that he seems to have regained his faith and testimony I'm I feel like I've lost mine.  Nothing will make me doubt that God exists but I'm having trouble believing in the Church.  

Sep. 3rd, 2012

I make very strange connections in my head when I'm running on very little sleep'

Ever feel like killing someone?

 I really want to throttle my ex-sister in law.  HOnestly and truly wish she would disappear off the face of the planet!  She called my brother at mid-night and told him if he didn't bring their 4 year old back to her by this morning that she would accuse him of kidnapping.  He was supposed to have my niece for a week.  Now I have to explain to my 2 year old that her cousin isn't here anymore and that we're not going to play with her today.  Oh and she lives a 5 and 1/2 hour drive away.  This really really makes me wish her ill.  I just wish I could scream, can't cause it would scare my daughter.  What a crappy way to start a day.

Bedrest :{

 I HATE BEDREST it's so damn BORING!  My house is a mess because I haven't been able to pick it up, the sink is full of dishes, my back is KILLING me.  All of this because I'm on BEDREST!  None of this is helping my stress levels at all.  Okay enough rantage I think I'll go back to my book now.

Rant

I can't rant to anyone in real life they wouldn't understand so instead I"ll rant here.   I recently got into a band called Tokio Hotel, more into them then any band I've ever enjoyed before.  Yes I have watched the 6 min peaks into their lives provided by Tokio Hotel TV, yes I actually read the news blurbs on them and yes I think they're hot.   HOWEVER, I DO NOT believe that any fan has the right or privilege to stalk them to the point that the lead singer hates to leave his house.  I also am disgusted by the comments I read on the photos posted on their website and music videos posted on youtube.  PEOPLE PLEASEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE  these are humans they do have lives outside of music, no they DO NOT belong to their fans.  Love them, watch them, write fic that you mark as being untrue about them, but have the decency NOT to claim them as yours or say that you wish to have sex with them or anything along those lines, on a PUBLIC forum where KIDS can find and read, and if you are a kid then you damn well had better not be posting such things!   Sorry that's my rant, in conclusion  I am a big fan of Tokio Hotel, I would jump at a chance to meet them, but I don't believe I own them or any rights to there persons.  Goodnight.

WHAAAAAAAAAAA?

Okay the reason for my astonishment is simple, my husband accused me of being a "Drama Queen"  Alright let me give you a bit of background on the situation and then you decide.  My daughter has pnuemonia.  for the past four and a half days she's been whining and crying at me and for me, she wouldn't let anyone else NEAR her.  On top of all this I started shivering Saterdauy evening and couldn't stop for a good hour.  So today I snap ONCE and yell that I've had enough and I'm going to run away to the back room and my husband called me a drama queen, on top of all this since she's had rough night's and I've been the one getting up with her.  Please tell me if my reaction of stunned silence was not over the top nor is this rant.

Am I a terrible person?

okay it 's been almost a year since I posted, am I terrible or what?  I've come to discover that being a stay at home mom is not for me I don't have the patients needed to be one.  So I work and my daughter's in daycare about 6-7 hours a day (I work at 5:15 am and get off between 1 and 3 pm)  Andrew takes Aislynn to daycare around 8 am.  I'm battling pnuemonia, a messy house and a guilty concience.  Somebody please tell me I'm not terrible for giving my cats back to the no kill shelter? PLEASE! They were pooping and peeing everywhere BUT their kitty litter box I tried everything I could think of for three months with no improvement, the final straw as it were was when the cat pooped in my work shoes (granted they're flip flops but still).  Andrew grandpa passed away in May and his Grandma is now in the hospital and not expected to last the year. I"ve lost 25 pounds.  I was made head guard recently, means better pay but more respinsibility and less people liking you.  I have the headache from hell and have had it for the past three days, it's not low iron and it's not dehydration, I have no clue what's causing it but I wish it would go away.

Ennegram results for me

Taken from piseag and as she said wow are these accurate


you chose BX - your Enneagram type is NINE (aka "The Mediator")

 

"I am at peace"

 

Peacemakers are receptive, good-natured, and supportive. They seek union with others and the world around them.

How to Get Along with Me

  • If you want me to do something, how you ask is important. I especially don't like expectations or pressure.
  • I like to listen and to be of service, but don't take advantage of this.
  • Listen until I finish speaking, even though I meander a bit.
  • Give me time to finish things and make decisions. It's OK to nudge me gently and nonjudgmentally.
  • Ask me questions to help me get clear.
  • Tell me when you like how I look. I'm not averse to flattery.
  • Hug me, show physical affection. It opens me up to my feelings.
  • I like a good discussion but not a confrontation.
  • Let me know you like what I've done or said.
  • Laugh with me and share in my enjoyment of life.

What I Like About Being a NINE

  • being nonjudgmental and accepting
  • caring for and being concerned about others
  • being able to relax and have a good time
  • knowing that most people enjoy my company; I'm easy to be around
  • my ability to see many different sides of an issue and to be a good mediator and facilitator
  • my heightened awareness of sensations, aesthetics, and the here and now
  • being able to go with the flow and feel one with the universe

What's Hard About Being a NINE

  • being judged and misunderstood for being placid and/or indecisive
  • being critical of myself for lacking initiative and discipline
  • being too sensitive to criticism; taking every raised eyebrow and twitch of the mouth personally
  • being confused about what I really want
  • caring too much about what others will think of me
  • not being listened to or taken seriously

NINEs as Children Often

  • feel ignored and that their wants, opinions, and feelings are unimportant
  • tune out a lot, especially when others argue
  • are "good" children: deny anger or keep it to themselves

NINEs as Parents

  • are supportive, kind, and warm
  • are sometimes overly permissive or nondirective

Renee Baron & Elizabeth Wagele  

Aug. 15th, 2008

 guess it's been long enough since I posted last.  Since then many things have happened, Aislynn pulled herself up on the coffee table for the first time on July 21st, she also now has her first tooth out of her gums.  I am working as a swim insructor part time, I'm going to have to find a better paying job around November though.  My ear infection has cleared up, but if I get another one in three months or less I have to get tubes. 

Jul. 8th, 2008

I have a middle ear infection in BOTH ears, this infection is one that affects mostly children under the age of 6!!!  Can I say this sucks?!!  Well that's what's up with me.

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